Nearly a couple hours have passed. I am filled with frustration over sleep that refuses to come. Lying in the dark, dim lighting from outside seeping into my room, I ponder the possible reasons.
Did I have caffeine?
Did I eat too much? Too little?
Was it not shutting off my ipad within a reasonable time before bed?
I pray for my family, friends and country, my mind slips here and there, a sense of anxiousness in my belly. Why? This isn’t like me to feel this way. I talk with God.
Did He want me to get up? Spend some time with Him?
2 I slept but my heart was awake.
Listen! My beloved is knocking:
“Open to me, my sister, my darling,
my dove, my flawless one…”
3 I have taken off my robe—
must I put it on again?
I have washed my feet—
must I soil them again?
Song of Songs 5:2-3
I think to myself, “It’s warm in bed. Maybe a few more minutes will bring the sleep I crave.”
A still, small voice: “Graham crackers and milk? You enjoy that with your boys…”
Hmm… milk might help me sleep. I lie still just a bit longer cherishing the visions of times past of sharing graham crackers and milk with my boys. Graham crackers with God? OK. I’ll get up.
Peering into the darkness through the ceiling-high west-facing windows, small globes of hazy farm and porch lights glow through the chilly fog outside. Quietly, I sneak to the kitchen, search for the crackers, and pour a small glass of milk. Dipping the unbroken cracker in I hold it there for a count of 5. Gingerly pulling it out to prevent the sopping cracker from breaking and falling back into the glass, I pop it into my mouth. Mmmm. Yes, that’s good.
Drawn to view the foggy outdoor atmosphere again, I find my way back to the large windows. Gazing at the mysterious darkness, thinking that I am alone, I sense and know in my heart that I am not alone. My Lord is with me. He wants to spend time with me.
Does the east-facing front window have the same view? Is the sidewalk wet from the mist? I need to check it out. Flipping a switch on the wall, the exterior garage light comes on. Wrong one. I tap it off, flip the next one on, and the porch light beams brightly. Slipping over to the window, I am shocked to see a four-by-four buck a couple yards away happily nibbling at my Autumn Stonecrop Sedum – yep, the one that I had noticed earlier in the day with its rosy-colored flowers all neatly cropped off. The culprit is caught red-handed. I can’t believe the boy hadn’t spooked and run off as the lights flicked on and off.
I watch and enjoy him for several minutes. A few yards away from him, I spot a doe barely visible in the dark. He decides to wander off, his doe following. Two more deer, barely visible, saunter by. Wow.
I know. Is this really a big deal? Deer are common here, but they are still beautiful and marvelous to watch – so quiet and graceful – up-close through the front window. Yes, it’s a big deal. Especially when God Himself doesn’t immediately send my desired sleep so that He can have the opportunity of quiet, personal, one-on-one time, to speak and show off some of His creation.
I finish my graham crackers and milk, marveling at His goodness, His kindness, His gentleness, His desire to be with me. We visit. I read His word. My eyes get heavy. Quietly slipping back into bed, I sleep.
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”